Summer Vacation, Day 3

Spent the entire day on the computer or playing Melee....again. Fried chicken, hot cheetos....wow I'm fat. anyways one more day til Summer school starts. Eh, atleast it'll keep me busy.

I miss Alex! T_T and so does Nath!

FFFFFFFF...-

Summer Vacation, Day 2

Spent the entire day on the computer or playing Melee. Ate some chips and salsa dip...woo. Getting REALLY bored since Alex is still in nicaragua. damnit. Three weeks to go still....

Not much to say. Day went by fast. Smooth. No hitch. Should be happy. Not. Feel slightly depressed. Don't know why. Irritating me.

Day was good. Nathan was happy-positive. Got hug from Alex. Always great. Never fails to lighten my spirit.

Future still looks pretty grim. Not "bad" grim, but "uncertain" grim. Should not despair. Not when I'm surrounded by ones I love.

"Zero" and I are making head-way in series. Very optimistic. Will definetly see through this to the end.

Hmm...accidently unearthed drawing of me and Maribel earlier. Shameful emotional clingy side popped its head out. Suppressed it quickly. Do not care for her anymore. Dust in wind. What does get me are the memories. Fun times. But in a much different-simple-time in my life. Think of it fondly.

ahem

Case in point: Maribel is no more, not the girl I fell in love with that warm summer day in San Roque. I must learn to get this finally off my chest....Perhaps I did.

Guess this post was longer than I expected. Cool. Must remember to post often. I shall create an archieve. WIll look back at it in future.

-Always remember: Never despair

Not much to say. Feel slightly depressed. Well, maybe a litttle bit more. Thinking of future, not looking too bright at the moment. Something came to my mind recently.

I'm tired. tired of seeing typed letters dictate my life. Maybe if I was better I wouldn't be complaining about it? Maybe not.

The coming weeks look to be grimmy. Future scares me. Past looks bright.

Wish Me, Alex and Nathan could spend the day together. Just the three of us. No other people.

Off-topic: Alex agrees to a group pic with me and Nathan before she goes to Nicaragua for three weeks in June. Shook her hand to make sure she'd keep her word. Lol.

Huh, never made a wish in a while...

Should not despair. Others might be going through tougher lives, even trying to make  the best of them. Even carrying other people's burdens.

We're born. Say we're one in a million. Say we're unique. Until I realize we're one AMONG the millions. The teeming millions. But, no one else on this earth can replace me nor anyone out there.

Forgotten? Maybe. Ignored? Maybe. Overlooked? Maybe. Irriplaceable? Hell no.

Interim: Day 3

*Yes, i know there isn't a day 2. Not feeling like posting it up.

Today was pretty damn good. Today's location was Fisherman's Wharf/Pier 39. List of good things that happened:

1.Got to the Bart station first (hooray)

2.Gave Alex a BIG hug (<3)

3.Our meeting location was at the back of Hooters (YES!)

4. LOTS of food (basically lunch throughout the entire trip lol)

5.Dragged Nathan around to look for a smiley face button

Interim: Day 1

Turned out pretty fun! Great day. No hitch. no problems. no nothing. Me and Nathan basically spent the day talking after taking lots of pics. Today's assignment was nature...and patterns(?)

Well, it was still a great day. Heh, who knew two gamer dudes could spend almost two or more hours talking about life than games.

Random? Or something more?

Random-Adj. having no specific pattern, purpose or objective.

Sometimes, its what i think life is like. Now I know what you're thinking, but bear with me, I for one am an optimistic fellow, but sometimes there are moments when I think of it all. All my decisions in life and what occured because of them. I reflect upon these decisions.

What if I went to a different elemetary school for my 6th grade? Does that mean I would have been happier? What if I remained with the same friends I met in elementary school? Would I have been the same person I am today? Or would I have eventaully turned out the same?

I met my first best friend in middle school, but before that I was given the chance to go to a different middle school. Now in that middle school were people I would soon meet here in High School. How would I have turned out if I decided to go to that middle school? If I never decided to sit next to my would-be best friend; If I decided to simply remain seated a mere ten feet away: I would have never met him therefore, I wouldn't be who I am today?

Here, sitting in front of my computer, typing this blog post up. I'm starting to become a believer in the RANDOMNESS of life and what occured because of them.

I did not expect to meet Maribel on that trip to the Philippines in 2006, nor did I expect her to tell me what's up three years later.

I decided to wait on sending the letters....wait a REALLY long time.... If i sent her those letters earlier would it have helped? If so would our relationship still have failed? If I told this special someone at my High School that I was not in a relationship at all this time-That I did not have a girlfriend- earlier what would have happened up to this point?

It's a series of neverending questions rolled up into one huge "What if?". But I guess that's what I love and hate about it all; about the randomness of life. One question. One answer. One chance. One failed obligation or one wasted oppurtunity and that enough alreadys sends you down a path within your great journey of life. Now, you can't go backwards because that's impossible. Instead you can create another path back to it.

Now that being said, you connect that path towards the one you're currently on and then what's next you ask? You. Keep. Going. Because no matter how stubborn or lamentful one is, I believe one's obligation to this great road excedes all else.

Life is random; a crooked street at best in a city of randomness. Why? It was pure randomness I fell in love that one summer's day, that same randomness that drove me to wait three fruitless years, but it was that same randomness that tested my dediction which is the same randomness that made me realize how random one's life can be. And who knows? Perhaps it'll be that same randomness that will come back and greet me in the near future.

Randomness...it is inevitable. How one can find their "soulmates" on the internet. How one man lost all he had one day, then earned it all back the next. A nation losing its beloved leader. An outstanding role model one day, then the butt-end of every joke the next.

The list just goes on and on and on. One day you're a looking for the next game to play, the next you're looking for which job'll hire you. Heh, even this blog post is random and inconsistent, but hey, that's the beauty of life. If it were any different...well that'd just be crazy. Especially in a world as random as this.

I'm looking at the world as a random place, not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, there simply ISN'T a point. Everyone is right. Everyone is wrong. Obligation and morals are important. Obligation and morals are pointless. Love is love; hate is hate. Love is forever. Love is temporary.  Law is freedom. Law is restriction. Freedom is spiritual. Freedom is pyshical. Life is great. Life is pointless. Reason is order. Reason is non-existant.

And like I said before...the whole damn list Just.Goes.On. ANY which-way it can go. There is no stopping randomness; It HAPPENS. It doesn't need reason and one can not simply deduce as to why it happens, what made it happen. All that one must do is accept it. Do not fear it. Do not love it. Do not hate it. Do not teach it. Do not advocate it. Do not censure it. Do not deconstruct it. Do not duplicate it.

Again...it just keeps going huh?

Randomness begets more randomness...

I'm looking at the world as a random place, not everything happens for a reason. Sometimes, there simply ISN'T a point. One day, I'll look at the world once again and see it differently. Why?Like I said, don't reason with it. Life's too random....atleast for the moment it is.